Breakfast With Villains
by Mizu no Byakko
Summary: Summer holidays aren't always pleasant with Organization XIII involved. Xemnas comes up with another grand plot, the members finally get some sun, and things generally get out of hand. [Multiple Pairings][Crack] ON HIATUS.
1. Prologue: The Homicidal Breakfast Club

Author's Notes: I'm finally back with yet another fic after my very, very, very long hiatus. Enough said though. More notes on the coming chapter.

Warning: Crack. Lots of it. Crossovers might be included in this one. It depends what the people -points at you- want.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to SQUEENIX and Disney. I don't own anything. If I did, it would be crack-pairing paradise.

Breakfast With Villains

By: Keyblade-Wielding Nerd

Prologue: The Homicidal Breakfast Club

There was a strange, unnerving silence hanging about in the air.

It was morning, if you considered the time carefully. However, the entire sky outside the large glass windows of the garishly white room was still an unfortunate shade of pitch black. The only light came from the sickly rays of Kingdom Hearts as it hovered above the castle like an expensive security camera. As usual, the thirteen members were seated around the garishly white table on also garish, yet drab and boring high-backed chairs. Breakfast was simple. It consisted of a basket of sliced bread, a plate with a large chunk of butter and the usual cutlery.

Axel did not burn the toast today.

Then the sound of a clattering fork shattered the uncomfortable silence. Xemnas cleared his throat.

"Pass the butter, will you Axel?" Xemnas said. Said redhead grabbed the entire chunk of butter and tossed it at the Superior, the flying chunk of yellow missing the silver-haired man's face by a hair's breadth. Xemnas grabbed the butter and shot the pyro an amber-eyed glare. "Just pass the plate next time." Xemnas muttered.

Then he realised that the entire chunk of butter nestled in his glove had melted into a pool of pale, disgusting yellow goop.

Axel had a maniacal glint in his eye.

The entire group seated at the table had now begun to edge their drab ivory chairs away from the victim, who whistled as if nothing had happened. Instead of breaking into an otherwise expected rage, Xemnas simply removed his gloves and tossed them into a nearby bin. He stood up, causing the entire table to shake and a few butter knives to move out of position.

"My dear Organization members," Xemnas boomed. "I have thought up of yet another wondrous plan. Do you not know what time it is?"

None of the members replied, except...

"I believe it is time for breakfast." Saix droned.

"No," Xemnas continued. "It is the time where all students in other worlds break for..."

The stagnant silence continued on.

"Summer vacation." Xemnas finished.

The other members said nothing. A certain few blinked, and a certain few twitched. All of them knew nothing good was going to be the outcome of this discussion. Or rather, it wasn't much of a discussion but was simply Xemnas' way of wordlessly telling them: 'I have yet another useless plan up my sleeve.' Only Demyx was innocuous enough to ask,

"So, what are you thinking Superior? Are we going to Atlantica like we did last time?"

All eyes turned to Demyx. "What?" The musician squeaked nervously. "It wasn't my fault all of you nearly got eate--"

"Enough." Xemnas said, "What I am planning is that we travel to Twilight Town during this period of time. Our friend Sora would be too busy having his little summer vacation there that he won't notice if we completely blend into the crowd. Then..." Xemnas emphasized this point by raising his hand dramatically towards the ceiling. A sharp tilt of his head back downwards indicated the climax of his speech.

"We kidnap him and _force_ him to assist us on our noble mission." Xemnas said. "_And_ we get some Sun at the same time."

"Wouldn't be easier if we just kill him?" Luxord muttered, shuffling his stack of cards.

"No. We need him to exterminate those wretched heartless for us." The Superior responded. "Therefore, I require all of you to be prepared in approximately two hours' time. Breakfast is over. Dismissed."


	2. One: Gummi Ship Blues

Warning: This is PURE CRACK.

So if you think it's not plausible that O13 gets sucked out of the gummi ship leaving everyone else unharmed, please read the above.

Chapter One: Gummi Ship Blues

Thirteen bags. Twelve unfortunate nobodies. One estastic Superior.

The Gummi-Port loomed before them like a giant, shimmering silver building. Actually, it _was_ a giant, shimmering silver building. Various gummi ships hovered above the structure, a few of them then eventually darting away into the sky, vanishing from sight. Thirteen sets of eyes followed the latest, garishly pink ship that shot into the distance.

"Why can't we use a damn portal?" Axel complained.

"Yeah. Wouldn't it be more convienient that way?" Larxene agreed.

"I didn't know we had a Gummi-Port." Demyx said in awe.

"Quiet. I want all of us to enjoy this experience." Xemnas boomed, silencing the three nobodies.

"It's official. The Superior has _officially_ lost his mind." Larxene whispered to Marluxia. The pink-haired man nodded, midnight blue eyes fixed upon the sliding doors of the Gummi-Port entrance. The glass doors slid open for the umpteenth time as the thirteen coat-clad nobodies dragged their luggage in, their coats' silver ornaments jangling noisily. There were quite a number of people in the Gummi-Port, barely even surprised as the Organization entered.

"Isn't this our base? We should be the only ones here!" Marluxia spat, annoyed. "Why are there..._people_?" He spoke the word "people" with certain scorn.

"Tourists," Xemnas said simply. "We need to fund our criminal activities."

Vexen curiously studied a man wearing a floral-print shirt with a wide-brimmed hat while Zexion attempted to take a peek at the latest titles in the Gummi-Port bookshop. Everyone seemed to be ignoring the presence of the all-powerful Organization.

"This is our gate." The Superior pointed at a giant sign that read 'Gate 13'.

"We even have a gate...?" Marluxia muttered, completely dumbfounded.

"But we _own_ the whole damn place, this entire _world_ is our freaking _base_!" Larxene complained. "Why do we need a specific _gate_?!"

Xemnas ignored her.

A person clad in a high-collared dark coat tore their tickets and opened the gate for them to proceed. They now started walking through a boarding passage that led to the opening of the gummi ship. After walking for about half a minute, they finally arrived at the ship's door. That specific gummi ship, headed towards Twilight Town, was a sunny shade of yellow and orange. A few stewardesses smiled at them as they entered.

The Organization took their seats.

The announcement service beeped.

"Welcome aboard Twilight Gummi Ships Flight TGS123 to Twilight Town. I am your pilot, Setzer. Please buckle your seatbelts and place all baggage in the overhead compartment. Our inflight entertainment system, TwilightWorld, will be turned on shortly after takeoff. Please pay attention to the safety video..."

As the voice continued droning on, Demyx absentmindedly fiddled with the buckle of his seatbelt.

"...and have a pleasant flight."

Axel peered at the lifejacket-clad steward on the tiny screen in front of him. Oh, the safety video had already ended. Then the ship begun to move. Instead of gathering speed on a runway, the ship simply lifted off the ground and shot into the air. A few moments later, the Organization looked out the window to find themselves surrounded by the dark space in between worlds. They shot past a giant pride rock. _The Pride Lands_. Next, a giant genie lamp. _Agrabah_.

"Aren't worlds..._round_?" Demyx mused.

"In our universe it isn't." Luxord replied.

A few moments later, a stewardess appeared and smilingly handed each member a set of headphones.

"TwilightWorld is now on for your entertainment pleasure. Lunch will be served shortly." The pilot droned, before the crackling of the microphone indicated that the announcement was over.

Zexion was already intently focused on the screen in front of him.

"Hey, what _are_ you watching?" Axel asked, prodding the schemer in the shoulder.

"_Worlds' dumbest wannabe schemers_." Zexion replied, not taking his eyes off the tiny screen.

The clinking of a trolley indicated that lunch was to be served. The stewardess gave out a few trays, before stopping at where Axel and Zexion sat near the window. Placing the trays in front of them, she rolled the trolley away. Axel was about to peel back the aluminium that covered the meal when he heard Xigbar complain from a few rows in front.

"You call this _food_? Dude, even _Xaldin_ can cook better--"

"Shut up, Xigbar." The lancer next to him snapped.

"No, but _seriously_. Your food su--"

A large, pointy lance materialized in thin air, its tip placed directly at the sniper's throat. Xaldin smirked.

"Now..._die_!"

Xaldin threw the lance, which whizzed past a few confused passengers and thudded into the door of the gummi ship, blowing it completely open. The suction was so great that the entire Organization, who were all incidentally seated in a tight-knit group, was sucked out of the ship. The stewardesses managed to close it tightly, and oxygen masks dropped with a click from the ceiling. The stunned passengers just stared.

"Don't worry. They'll survive." The pilot said from the announcement system.

_Meanwhile..._

"It's all your fault Xaldin!"

Larxene screamed, floating haplessly in mid-air while the rest of the members sighed.

Demyx opened a portal.

The rest of them, thinking this was highly convienent, found that they had no other choice but to use it. They all stepped in and the portal closed with a quiet hum. But they had all forgotten that it was _Demyx_, out of all nobodies, that had opened the portal.

A gust of warm wind woke all thirteen members.

"I feel...comfortable." Demyx yawned, stretching his paws.

Wait..._paws_?

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Zexion's angry exclamation caused Demyx to look instinctively to his right. There, seated in the midst of long blades of dew-covered grass, was a slate-blue furred adult lion. The mane on the animal's head grew to such a length that it obscured one feline eye completely. The lion's trail swished menancingly.

It was then Demyx realized.


End file.
